Hi my name is William Lowry, and todays blog post I’m gonna teach you how to look like a COOL SKATER BOI, the easiest way tutorial.

Step 1: So, before you begin your long journey of knee pain and bruised shins, you will need to locate the nearest Zumiez. ONCE LOCATED, you’ll need about 400$, and ride to said zumiez.

Step 2: After arriving at zumiez you’ll need to walk in there with somewhat of an over-swaggery persona/energy, and couple it delicately with self hatred. After you feel that you’ve perfeced your persona, you’re gonna walk straight up to the back where they keep the skateboards, and stare at it indecisively for about 15-20 minutes. THIS IS A CRUCIAL PART OF STEP TWO YOU WILL NOT RECEIVE SATISFACTORY RESULTS IF THIS IS NOT PERFORMED CORRECTLY. After staring, asking about, and holding almost every board in the store, you are going to purchase whichever board has either a sexual induendo, drug reference, or both for extra measure.

Step 3: Now that you’ve purchased the PERFECT skateboard deck, you can proceed to get griptape applied. So to do this properly, you will first need to apply the same rules to choosing grip tape as you did for choosing a deck.(DRUGS OR BOOBS IN CASE YOU NEEDED A REVIEW) So once you have selected the ULTIMATE grip tape graphic, you will proceed to insist on putting the grip tape on yourself rather than letting the employee do it because YOU DON’T NEED SOME POSER ASS ZUMIEZ WORKER TO PUT TOGETHER YOUR BOARD BECAUSE YOU ARE A REAEAL SKATER AND YOU ARE ONE WITH YOUR BOARD. Proceed to apply your grip tape completely off center and cut with scissors. Note: AIR BUBBLES MUST BE PRESENT, THEY MAKE IT EASIER TO SKATE HARRRD.

Step 4: Once your deck is ready with grip tape on it, you will next need to choose trucks. Skateboard trucks are a crucial part of your set up because they define who you are as a skater. If you skate Thunder trucks then you most likely skate street, ledges etc. This means that if you choose Thunders you will also need to sit in the middle of the skatepark and start flat-ground games of skate whilst getting in everyone’s way. However, if you skate independents then you have identified yourself as a bowl skater. This means that if you skate indy’s, you are signing on to yell at any and all people at the skate park that are using bikes or scooters; further more you will need to day drink at the skate park and blast punk rock/metal regardless of your, or anyone else’s taste in music. After asking many vague and pointless questions about how each truck turns, you’re gonna call anyone you know who skates and impulse buy which-ever they tell you to get.

Step 5: YOU ARE ALMOST THERE. Once you have chosen a truck brand, you have practically chosen your identity as a skater. The final two steps while describe what to do when you have chosen Independent trucks or Thunder trucks. If you chose Independents, then you will request any hard durometer OJ wheel, or if you’re feeling unorthadox then you can even request Bones park formula. If you chose thunder trucks than you will purchase any Spirtfire wheel 54mm and under, or if you’re feeling spicy you’ll purchase Bones STF. You can purchase practically any bearing that sounds fast, for Thunder trucks users I would specifically recommend Andale bearings.

Step 6: APPEAREL: If you chose independent trucks then you’ll need to buy an Independent hoodie to match it. Next you’ll need to purchase any pair of Vans shoes(preferably skate hi’s if you wanna be eXtRa cOoL), along with the Vans you will need an overpriced pair of socks that are at least knee high. Next you will a thrasher or vans beanie and a longsleeve Creature t-shirt. If you chose Thunder trucks, you will need one, a thrasher hoodie and beanie, two, cargo pants that make it look like you’re waiting for a flood, any Nike brand skate shoe, and an OF t shirt. With all the info above, you should be well-equipped to be a very convincing skater boi.

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.